Realizations...

I took my current job because I truly believed that I could make a difference teaching in inner city Philadelphia. I have now realized that one cannot help others when they do not want to be helped. This is very difficult for me to understand. I show up to work everyday with a smile on my face and NEVER mention the previous day incidents because, after all, today is a new day and yesterday is history not to be changed. I begin my day with students trickling into my class well into the second half of the block with no consequences and no remorse. I can't even begin modeling any work for the day or begin my stations until 45 minutes into the block. The principal comes on the intercom and leads us in the pledge everyday. I diligently stand and salute while saying the pledge. My students scream obscenities and curse words at me while calling me ignorant and insensitive to the people of our country. I have shared that my husband is retired military and calmly remind them that it is because of him and all of our friends who serve or served this country that each of them even have the freedoms to verbally abuse me without consequences. To that they say that the military is what is wrong with our country and that they would have more free stuff if there was not a military. I just turn around trying not to cry over the delusional attitude of these 12 and 13 year old children. Our school constantly has incidents of misbehavior daily. I teach with a smile on my face while students throw things at me and hurl insults and curse words. I have been on the receiving end of a death threat that resulted in filing a police report, but because the student didn't indicate how they wanted me to die nothing happened. This student was interviewed by Philly police and the student stated that they wanted me to die and viciously went after two of the officers having to be detained in the metal handcuffs because the student broke through the zip-tie cuffs. Still nothing but a three day suspension happened for this student and they remain in my classroom. This student, upon their return from a three day suspension,  stalked me to my car everyday after school, keeping a distance but still knowing where I park and what type of car I drive. I have now started leaving my home 20 minutes earlier so I can park around the perimeter of the school since our only other option is typically parking 3 or 4 blocks away using street parking in the neighborhood. This student is constantly bragging about how they showed me who is boss because nothing happened and they can get away with what they want. Unfortunately, this student is correct. Consequences are mild if even in existence due to the districts fear of lawsuits from parents. My latest incident occurred when I was trying to enter my classroom. I had my key around my neck on my lanyard and was bent down trying to get my classroom unlocked. It takes me a few times because my door knob is messed up from students trying to stick metal objects in it to unlock it when I am in other classrooms or working one-on-one with students. I had just removed my key for the third time and was about to insert it in the knob again when three students who had been fighting came running full-throttle down the hall crashing into me causing me to hit my head on the door knob and sent me flying two feet from my door flat on my back. I am now experiencing excruciating pain in my lower back that is not getting better and tomorrow will be one week since the incident. Nothing happened to the three students even though they were breaking three rules: 9 minutes late to class, fighting, and running in the hallway. I have been at home since the incident and the doctor assures me that my back is not fractured. I hope he is correct. I will return to work tomorrow to continue my job of deescalating incidents because, honestly, I don't feel like an educator. I have to continuously walk around the classroom while the students are present in order to keep peace and calmness as much as possible. Hopefully, they will be happy to see me and tomorrow will go smoothly. The sad fact of this situation is that these children are learning that they can do what they want and consequences don't exist when rules are broken. As an educator, I know it is not just about reading, writing, and arithmetic. We should be teaching these students how to function in society. I am baffled at how this school district can live with themselves. They stress for us to always keep the students safe, but how can we keep students safe when the DISTRICT doesn't want to guarantee their safety. If they wanted students to truly be safe they would implement consequences for erratic behavior. I know I don't have all the answers but I know that students roaming halls 9 minutes past the bell and no consequences is NOT keeping our students safe. My journey will continue with this school district until June 21 and then I am done with this environment. I will continue to get out of my car every morning saying a prayer as I enter the building and smiling, because yesterday is history and today is a new day!